Maybe
by Nightwalker365
Summary: Kanda always knew having a therapist would be a Bad Idea. AllenxKanda
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray Man

Summary: Kanda always knew having a therapist was a Bad Idea.

Rating: For now T.

AN: So I am trying out a new fandom. Don't worry I will go back to Fruits Basket, but right now my muse is being uncooperative. If you guys don't mind let me know what you think. Is this a fic you guys would be interested in reading?

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><p>Nobody really knew when it started. It just fell into place so easily that it seemed wrong <em>not<em> to do it. It was like a skin they'd been wearing their whole lives but never knew it. The roles came effortlessly.

Daisya was The Rebel. In all honesty, he'd always been that way, but he hadn't really been _defined_ as the rebel until he'd hit high school. That was when the string of nameless girlfriends, constant parties and arguments with Tiedoll kicked in.

Mari was, of course, the Good Child. He was the one always on honor role, most likely to be valedictorian, loved among his teachers and peers alike. There were very few people that didn't like him, and usually the ones that didn't were too shallow to care about anyone but themselves.

Kanda was the Troubled One. He was the one that usually got suspended for fighting and winning, which he prided himself on. He was the cause of so many teachers quitting. He was the general menace to the school and the grump of the family.

So, Tiedoll considered it natural that _he_ was the one to get a therapist.

Of course Kanda's first reaction was: "Fuck _you_. I'm not seeing a goddamn shrink."

But Tiedoll was a professional when it came to dealing with Kanda, so on the day of his first appointment Kanda stood sulking in front of the building, gift in hand.

Kanda glared menacingly as he walked through the therapist's building. Most of the people that walked around here looked as if they were just about ready to off themselves. Balding, middle aged men trembled as they looked at him. Mousy girls adjusted their glasses and blushed for a moment before literally running away from him.

Well, at least he hadn't had any problems getting to the damn office.

The waiting room was filled with similarly pathetic people, all of which were trying to hide their faces in a lame ass Home Cooking magazine. The secretary was starting to huddle in her seat not daring to look up at Kanda for fear she would inflame his wrath.

Kanda, being the good child he was checked the his cell phone-the one Tiedoll demanded he have on his person at all times, least he be followed by the man himself. Five to five. He was early.

Kanda plopped himself down in the fluffy chairs folded his hands and promptly took a nap.

He slept for three hours and fifty two minutes, and still the asshole hadn't called him in. His apiontment was at five and it was nearly nine.

Kanda growled, fuck waiting. He was going in _now_.

He kicked in the door to the therapist's office, fully intending to scare the living shit out of her—him—it.

And so was the start of a beautiful relationship.

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><p>Kanda sat in the waiting room bored out of his mind. His muddy feet were on the expensive coffee table, splattering Lucky magazines and he was ripping pages out of a Home Cooking magazine. And just generally upsetting the secretary. Lou Fa was a little shrimp of a woman that was scared as shit of Kanda. Usually these women didn't bug him as much as the other's but considering she was the <em>Moyashi's<em> secretary Kanda had set out to make her life miserable from day one.

So far, he'd been very successful.

"Kanda would you stop destroying my waiting room and get in here." The Moyashi leaned against the doorway letting the older balding man leave the room and scuttle away before facing Kanda. His voice sounded tired. Not that Kanda cared, but it was always good to know your enemy.

"Hmph," he snorted and shoved the remains of the magazine onto the mud stained table. He stomped past the Moyashi and into his office.

He plopped himself down on the cushy sofa crossing his arms over his chest, spreading his legs out to either side of him.

"Someone's had a bad day." Kanda frowned. He hated the fact that the Moyashi could read him so easily.

"Fuck you." Kanda snarled. He reached over to the bookshelf near the sofa, grabbing one of the novels he flipped to a random page and began reading.

Allen sighed. "What happened?"

"What?" Kanda's head snapped up.

"Did you get into a fight?"

"No!" Kanda spluttered, at loss for a moment. "H—"

"Was it a teacher then?"

"What the hell—"

"Was it another student? Or was it Daisya? Did Mari get a girlfriend?"

Kanda glared. "Are you done now?"

Allen sat back in his seat, a shit eating grin plastered on his face.

"You got a love confession didn't you?"

Kanda turned bright red. "Screw you asshole!"

"Was she cute?" Allen was still grinning, and all Kanda wanted to do was wipe that grin off of his face.

He crossed his arms and buried himself deeper in the couch. "It wasn't…."

"What?" Allen leaned forward narrowing his eyes in concentration. "I can't hear you when you mumble."

"It wasn't… a girl."

Allen's grin got so big Kanda grew worried that it would split his face in half. Not that Kanda couldn't get the job done himself, but Tiedoll would make his life hell if he broke his therapist's face.

"_Screw you asshole!_"

"But so _cute_ Kanda."

Kanda leapt up, fists clenched, ready to kick ass. "Fuck you Moyashi! You have no idea how fucking stupid it was trying to explain to some idiot freshman that _I wasn't a girl_!"

Allen raised an eyebrow at Kanda. "Nobody would mistake _you_ for a girl Kanda."

Kanda's eyes narrowed until they were tiny slits. "You'd be fucking surprised."

Allen didn't even twitch; fucking asshole. "So would you."

He stood up from his cushy seat and walked over to his coffee maker. Kanda resisted the urge to wipe his boots on the blue fabric. As Mari would say, he'd regret it later. Especially when Tiedoll and Moyashi got together to fucking team up on him. Kanda stifled a quiet groan, his life did not get any worse than that.

"You're a very attractive male Kanda."

Kanda's head jerked up and his eyes widened. Moyashi was fucking excellent at pulling Kanda from his reveries; and surprising the shit out of him.

_"What?" _

Allen turned to him, gold eyes solemn and steady. "You are attractive. Whether you believe it or not. Mistaking you for a girl was probably the only way that kid could sneak out of that situation."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Sneak out of the situation?"

"Well you probably made a big deal about it didn't you?" Allen looked at Kanda over the rim of his now steaming mug; Kanda tried not to squirm. "If he is gay, he probably didn't want to be outed by you in front of the whole school."

Kanda gaped.

"This only goes to show that you really don't have any experience with people." Allen grinned. "So maybe you should practice."

Allen had no idea he would regret saying these words.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray Man

Rating: Still T.

Summary: Kanda always knew having a therapist was a Bad Idea.

AN: I am going to try putting in lyrics from Switchfoot's recent album Hello Hurricane because it basically the fathered this story... Now that I'm done being awkward, please review tell me what you think; especially tell me what you guys don't like so I can fix. Also, I'm in need of beta reader (clearly) if anyone's interested.

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><p><em>"Come set me free. Come set me free. Inside this shell is a prison cell."<em>-Free by Switchfoot

"Yuu-kun! Welcome home!" Tiedoll, Mari, and Daisya looked up from one of the homecooked meals that Tiedoll prided himself on. Steaming plates of fresh-off-the-grill steak and steamed carrots, zucchini, cucumber, broccoli, and tomatos laid out like artwork over the wooden table.

Kanda wrinkled his nose and made a bee-line for his room.

"Yuu-kun." Tiedoll unfortunately was a rather uncompromising obstacle in his way. "Dinner's ready."

Kanda looked up balefully at his adopted father. "I am not hungry. If you don't mind I would like to go to my room."

"You must eat and replenish your strength."

Kanda made a fist, intending to show Tiedoll just how much his strength didn't need to be replenished, before Moyashi's face flashed in his mind. Striking Tiedoll meant...well it meant a lot of commotion and getting grounded-which really didn't mean much to Kanda anyway-and eventually more therapy sessions. More sessions meant an unhappy, _extra_ miserable Kanda.

Before he had more time to think Tiedoll's hands clapped down on Kanda's shoulders and he steered his unwilling son to the dinner table. A plate was set before Kanda that was full of food. Kanda's eyes narrowed and his stomach ached at the sight; he would not eat that.

Over his dead, disfigured body would he injest this food.

He looked up at Mari who was silently pleading with him to eat, just please eat. Daisya just grinned his shit eating grin, he loved it when Kanda fought with Tiedoll, it meant entertainment for him and usually a free pass to leave during the commotion. And then he caught sight of Tiedoll, his adoptive father smiling at him as if Kanda was already eating and had just told him that his cooking was excellent.

Fuck this.

Kanda stood up abruptly and stalked into his room. He made sure to slam the door shut before Tiedoll could come in and protest. His eyes narrowed when he heard Mari and Tiedoll talking in worried tones.

"...be hungry?"

"I can bring him something later."

"Soba would be best."

"Aww man he really looked like he was gonna go with ya today!"

"Cheh." Kanda snorted and took his usual position across the door. His legs folded and his back straight, he pressed his palms into his knees and shut his eyes. As always, for a few moments, Kanda could only focus on sound. The sound of his family's voices-especially Daisya's whining about a party, the clink of silverware against dinner plates, and eventually the scrape of chair legs against the wooden floor. The heavy thuds of footsteps making their way down the hallway, pausing in front of his room before moving on to their own. The light creak of floorboards groaning with the wind and then Kanda focused and heard nothing at all.

That was how it was and how it would remain for longer than Kanda had the patience to count.

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><p>It was late afternoon the next time they met. They had stopped making official appointment times after the first session due to Kanda's impatience and Allen's clients, who always needed more than the allotted time. So they had made an agreement-agreement as in Kanda practically signing his name in blood and Allen putting down more money than he was comfortable-that they would meet at least once a week. Kanda would show up when he felt like it and Allen, for the sake of Lou Fa and his waiting room if nothing else, would show him in as soon as possible.<p>

"So," Allen situated himself into his seat a cup of coffee in hand. "How's the practicing coming along?"

Kanda glared. "You don't honestly expect me to do that do you?"

"Of course!" Allen smiled cheerily; Kanda gritted his teeth.

"You're out of your mind if you expect me to go on an _online dating site_."

Allen tried not to sigh at the sight of Kanda's 'Absolute Rejection' face. "Look Kanda, you need to practice communicating with people. An online dating site provides you with human contact without needing to meet face to face. Besides, plenty of people use online dating sites. It's an easy way to meet and get to know people."

Kanda just snorted and turned away. Kandanese translation: make me.

This time Allen didn't try to hold back his sigh, he was going to have to bring out the big guns. "If you want I can talk to Tiedoll about this. If he thinks it's a good idea, then you have to do it."

Kanda froze. Involving Tiedoll was usually Allen's last resort. Involving Tiedoll meant that he would be pestered constantly by his adoptive father about finding someone online to "date." It meant that Mari and Daisya would be involved, because Tiedoll felt it fucking necessary to include the entire goddamn family. While Mari would try to be supportive, Daisya would make his life living hell, and, if he thought it necessary, use it as blackmail to get to his parties with his 'bitches and hos.' Allen knew all of this, he had several sessions involving the entire family and a couple individually with each member. It also meant that Allen was serious about this online dating shit.

Fuck.

"I'll-I'll... _fucking try_." Kanda spat out as if the words were nails lodged in his throat. Allen smiled and leaned back in his chair, he had a good feeling about this.

"So which are you going for, girls or boys?"

"FUCK OFF MOYASHI!"


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray Man.

_"I wanna get back the rest of me. I made a mess of me_,"-Mess of Me by Switchfoot

When he woke up that morning Allen could taste it. The air he breathed was crisp and cold, it was early morning. The kind of early that had Kanda's name all over it. The kind of morning that smelled of rain, the mornings when mist clung to the ground and dew and night raindrops blended and mixed so well it was impossible to tell the difference. The kind of morning when hot coffee and an armchair overlooking the world was the first order of the day. The kind of morning that made the rest of the day feel fresh. But this morning had an edge of anticipation. This morning was special.

This morning Kanda came _home_.

Allen busied himself all yesterday cleaning his apartment thoroughly. He cleaned out the kitchen and bought groceries so that he could supply them both with enough food to last the week (especially making sure that he had some soba in stock), Allen wiped down all of his hard surfaces and vacuumed every corner of the floor. His apartment was practically sparkling.

He had originally cleaned because Lenalee had been set on throwing a 'Welcome Back' party. The kinds of parties that Kanda hated (although Kanda hated all parties). Despite being against the idea Allen had spent the day cleaning so he would be prepared. Thankfully Mari had talked some sense into her, convincing her to move it to the next day. After he'd spent some quality time with Allen.

Allen had been strictly instructed by Kanda that he absolutely could not pick him up from the airport. He had to get back to base and debrief before he could even think about returning home. So, Allen was forced to sit in his fluffy armchair and wait. Like a six year old waiting for his father to come home. He winced at the bad analogy and attempted to distract himself by picking up one of the numerous psychology books that inhabited his apartment. Allen had already decided that he absolutely could not eat anything, if the churning in his stomach was any indication. So he could at least _pretend_ to be doing something other than thinking about Kanda.

Allen snorted inwardly. Like that would work. Kanda had been infiltrating his thoughts long before they'd been dating. Since he first broke down Allen's door actually. A fitting entrance for the man that had invaded and conquered his previous (Kanda would say pathetic here) life and shoved in a healthy dose of happiness couple with a large unhealthy dose of violence.

He sighed and tried to concentrate on the development of parental influence on adopted children when the thought struck him that he should maybe read about something other than psychology, especially seeing as that was the first reason he'd met Kanda.

He shoved the book onto one of the growing piles near his work desk and moved to the shelves that contained books with topics about something _other_ than work. His fingers strayed over the The Kite Runner and Allen stopped for a moment his finger tracing the cracks in the spine. Where had Kanda been sent off to this time? He wondered absently. Why had they taken him away for so long? His hand rested lazily on the edge of the bookshelf for a moment before slipping off and returning to his side and Allen shook his head. He couldn't focus, he couldn't read, not when Kanda was coming home. Kanda who read only when it was strictly necessary and never read the same book twice, so the only books in the apartment were the books that Mari had given them and the ones Allen had bought for himself.

Allen cursed and looked over to the door. Hoping more than he'd hoped in his entire life that it would open. _Open_, he plead with his eyes, _Just come home already_.

He felt tears begin to gather at the bottoms of his eyes as they dried when he realized just how much of a child he was. God, couldn't he live without the guy for a couple of months? What the hell was wrong with him? Allen sat back in his chair and began to massage his temples as he realized just how much of a whining _woman_ he'd become.

"Fuck," he whispered as he sat back. _No use in pretending anymore_, he thought and he let all the thoughts of Kanda that he'd tried desperately not to think about to rise to the surface. He envisioned what he thought Kanda would look like when he came home. There would be bags under his eyes and his hair would be a mess. Kanda would take the longest shower that he'd ever taken and then demand food. Allen would order Chinese, just to piss him off. And while Kanda would storm off to put his things away Allen would call in an order of soba from the place across the street. And when Allen would go into the bedroom to talk Kanda into eating the Chinese food they would fight. Kanda would be grumpy and tired so his insults would be petty at best and he'd start throwing punches five minutes into it. Allen would dodge and they would continue like this either until Kanda had worn himself out (which was very hard to do Allen found out, even when he was tired) or the soba would arrive. Once Allen had paid for it he'd shove the bag at Kanda and Kanda would give him a resigned, grumpy but I-still-love-you-look. Or as Kanda would call it the about-_fucking_-time look. But Allen disagree, after all Kanda didn't look at his own face more than he had to, Allen either thought about or looked at it all day. Which, Allen reasoned, meant he knew Kanda's face better. Kanda would say it's his own fucking face and Allen shouldn't tell him that he knew more about it than he did. And they'd fight about that too...

Allen didn't feel his eyelids fall closed or hear the door open.

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><p><em>"I've got my back against the wall, but I can still hear the blue sky call."-<em>Free by Switchfoot

Kanda tried not to blush as he carefully unfolded the wad of paper. Which was actually a little difficult to do without ripping the stupid thing in half. The paper had been crumpled tightly together and lain in the bottom of the trash can for a weeks so there were stains of unknown origin decorating the once white surface.

Fuck Moyashi. Fuck him for making Kanda do stupid things like sign up on an online dating website. Fuck him for knowing his stupid ass family and how much shit they would dish out to Kanda if they knew about this. Fuck him for being goddamn untouchable and _fuck_ him for being the fucking intolerable, cheerful, know-it-all _asshole_ he was.

And fuck Kanda for having to listen to him and having to talk to him every fucking week.

When he finally, _finally_ managed to unfold that stupid piece of fucking paper he glared at the block letters and reached over to turn his laptop on. The machine whirred and buzzed as it was turned on. Unlike most teenagers Kanda's computer suffered from under use rather than over abuse. The screen lit up for a moment before turning completely black and Kanda had to bite his tongue.

It wouldn't end well for him if Tiedoll or Daisya caught Kanda signing up for a dating website at two in the morning.

He couldn't help but sneer as he typed in the stupid email address and, as soon as the damn thing loaded, was greeted with a smiling couple and the colorful captial letters telling Kanda he could sign up for FREE! Kanda clicked the link and was immediately moved to a large ass questionnaire. The first few questions were basic, name, date of birth, age, gender, etc.

It wasn't until he got to the next page that the questions became a little more difficult.

What kind of music do you enjoy?

Kanda grit his teeth, he hated personal questions. More than going to therapy sessions with Moyashi. At least Moyashi didn't ask stupid questions about Kanda's _past_ and Kanda's relationship with Tiedoll and his adopted brothers and other stupid things. Or any of the stupid shit that the other five therapists Kanda had would ask. In fact, Moyashi was the only therapist he had that didn't ask personal questions. He asked Kanda what the fuck was going on in his life and made no mention about his _feelings_ and all of the other bullshit that therapists liked to ask about. Instead Moyashi was insufferable and seemed to know about them even before Kanda.

Kanda didn't know if he hated or loved the fact that he barely had to talk to Moyashi to communicate with him. Even if most of their communication involved verbal abuse. Which honestly suited Kanda just fine.

Kanda grimaced. He didn't want to hear the little Moyashi voice in his head telling him that the fact that he was so comfortable with an abusive relationship did not bode well for the overall health of his psyche... or whatever the fuck therapists like to say to scare the shit out of their "clients."

He shook his head and returned his focus to the screen. He systematically typed in 'I don't like music' before moving onto the next question.

What hobbies do you enjoy doing?

_What the fuck?_ Kanda gaped at the monitor. What hobbies did he _enjoy doing?_ Why the fuck would he do hobbies that he didn't fucking enjoy?

He growled and considered inputting 'killing people' and the possible repercussions. Which were probably getting kicked off the site and Moyashi shitting his pants. Kanda almost chuckled at the image, only the thought that Tiedoll would get involved sobered him

Nothing went well for Kanda when Tiedoll got involved.

He sighed and listed the martial art forms that he had learned over the years. As a way to curb his anger, Tiedoll proclaimed later. He supposed that the closest thing to 'killing people' was listing an "appropriate form of violence."

What gender are you interested in?

Kanda's eyes went wide. _Shit_. For most people even the thought of inputing men would lead them to question their sexuality for weeks to come. But Kanda wasn't most people. Kanda didn't give a shit about getting together with a man or a woman. There were just too many stupid people in both genders that Kanda hadn't quite made up his mind yet.

After all there is no sexuality that specified non-stupid people.

Kanda snarled. No doubt this was one of the reasons Moyashi had him go to this stupid website. Tiedoll had probably been pushing him to figure out what kind of person Kanda would be interested in. Too bad he wasn't interested in anyone. Quietly, deep in the back of his mind, Kanda wished there was an asexual option. Okay, maybe not so quietly, in the front of his mind he fucking wished there was an asexual option.

But asexual people did not go on online dating websites, so Kanda was fucked no matter what.

_Fuck _Moyashi.

For a moment Kanda considered clicking Women. He shook his head at the thought. He could see it now, he would end up "chatting" with a girl who works out a lot and is interested in martial arts, when she found out he was a... well that he was seeing a therapist (and with Moyashi no doubt monitoring his conversations this would happen) she would want to hear all about Kanda's "problems," so she could be all supportive and shit. And then when he wouldn't tell her she'd probably end up finding Moyashi or Tiedoll who would—

Just fuck that, he was putting in men.

He was so going to kill Moyashi tomorrow. Kanda glanced at the watch on his computer and whispered a curse. Actually today.

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><p>FYI to all of you who have not read the latest D. Gray Man Chapter. GO READ IT NOW!<p>

Much love,

Nightwalker


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man. Also, lemon.

Allen fought back a sigh at Lou Fa's stuttering voice and the crashing and breaking noises that were coming from behind his door. Apparently he had another client. Allen was enjoying one of the few breaks that he had during the day, besides lunch break he'd asked Lou Fa to give him a half an hour after 3 o'clock when he could simply take a breather.

His reputation as a therapist that could handle the gruesome, hard cases that even some of the most patient therapists couldn't handle -had lead him to take on _way_ too many clients. These clients (usually) took up more than their allotted time leaving Allen to take one after the other all day long. All of them were high maintenance and general menaces to his secretary, Lou Fa.

Allen honestly didn't know why she hadn't quit years ago. This job has driven Lou Fa to do things that Allen imagined she'd only watched on television, and deal with things that should have driven her into his office with all of the other people he dealt with. At this point Allen had lost count of how many times she'd called an ambulance to the office, or how many times she'd been sexually harassed by his more vulgar clients, or how many times she'd almost gotten the _shit_ beaten out of her, or how many times clients would threaten her life when he was busy with another, or how many of them had taken to just making her life miserable whenever they came into contact with her.

Although for her, he assumed the worst patients were the ones like Kanda.

Allen placed the steaming mug of tea on his desk and made his way to the door. He moved to greet Lou Fa and pointedly ignore the patient that was creating a ruckus. Allen found, over the years, that patients were a lot like attention seeking children, ignoring then worked better than anything else when it came to persuading them to follow his rules.

At least, until he saw Kanda looming over Lou Fa, a glare backed her into the corner of her desk. Her calendar, which usually sat on her desk and was much like his own, had several pages torn out and had been thrown to the far wall. Allen's three thirty appointment lay huddled, and obviously frightened, in the cushy seat. Bak Chan, a man that had stalking issues and a rather quirky, obsessive personality.

Allen pinched the bridge of his nose. Kanda was in one of _those_ moods.

"Hello Kanda." The long haired man turned to him, eyes blazing hair whipping across his back.

"You mother _fucker_," Kanda snarled. Anger was projected in every one of Kanda's movements, in the stiffness of his shoulders when Allen called his name, in the fists pressing against Lou Fa's desk.

Allen leaned against his door pushing it all the way open and gestured for Kanda to come inside. Kanda stomped his way inside, the ends of his hair snapping at Allen's cheeks.

"Bak-chan," Allen looked over to the man trying to shrink himself in his sofa. "Please reschedule with Lou Fa, it seems that one of my patients is having a hissy fit."

Allen only had time to glance at Bak-chan's gaped mouth before a fist flew in the direction of his door, slamming it shut. Allen didn't even look at Kanda, the hot breath against his cheek and the harsh pants of barely controlled anger told him all he needed to know.

"I'm assuming this is about that dating ser-"

"Shut the fuck up." Allen raised an eyebrow.

"I'm a therapist Kanda," Allen used the voice that he used with children when they were asking especially unreasonable requests, which really wasn't far from true in this case. "It's my job to talk." _And listen, _he added mentally.

"I fucking hate you." Kanda stormed his way over to the sofa, sitting down for a moment before deciding not to, and he got up to pace. Allen went over to his tea and dumped it. He had to drink coffee when he worked with Kanda.

Allen turned around when the coffee machine started. Kanda was still pacing.

"I've heard that before." Allen remarked casually. "I'm going to assume that you finished just this morning, from the circles under your eyes."

Kanda flinched. He hated showing signs of weakness, even if it was impossible not to.

Silence reigned until the coffee maker beeped and Allen filled his mug with coffee.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That was not my intention." Kanda gaped. He wasn't used to people apologizing to him let alone Allen. Allen knew that as far as Kanda was concerned, Tiedoll had hired him to make his life miserable. Allen figured if he really wanted to make Kanda's life miserable he would have set Kanda up on a series of blind dates. But, it would be counter productive to tell him that.

Kanda sat on the sofa silently, his shoulders slumped. The late night and the anger had left him exhausted and Allen was pretty sure that he would get nowhere of they did a full session. Kanda had heard what he needed to hear and Allen knew that Kanda had done what he'd asked.

Allen sipped his coffee, silently wished he hadn't thrown out his tea. Kanda looked up at him. His head was still tilted down so the circles under his eyes were pronounced and the previous anger had left his eyes so they looked dull and worn. That along with Kanda's forearms supporting himself on his knees showed Allen the most vulnerable picture of Kanda he'd ever seen.

Impulsively he reached over to secure a stray lock of hair behind Kanda's ears. Kanda jerked back reflexively, suspicion evident in his eyes. Allen sat back holding back a frown.

"I'll call Mari," Allen stood up and rifled through his phone for Mari's number. "He's recently gotten his driver's license right?"

Kanda nodded and remained silent even after Mari came up to the office to take him back home.

XXXXXX

"I'm a wandering soul, I'm still walking the line that leads me home alone."-Enough to Let Me Go by Switchfoot

It took fifteen minutes of pain and agony equivalent to removing his finger and toenails before they took him home. _Briefings,_ Kanda mused, _were the fucking worst_. He had to resist stomping his way down the hallway and venting his frustration on the walls. Despite his incredibly intimidating reputation, Kanda had found out the hard way that his neighbors were not adverse to reporting him for being disruptive, except when he was fighting with Moyashi of course. Nobody, not even the damned landlord, would fucking dare get in the middle of that.

He pulled open the door and shut it quietly Moyashi was probably still asleep after all. Kanda knew better than anyone that he refused to wake up before nine thirty on days that he didn't have to work. He made his way to the bedroom to drop off his bag and his eyebrows furrowed when he realized it was empty, empty and made. He touched the covers lightly and was surprised to feel warmth. Moyashi was up. This meant, he reasoned from the quiet apartment, that he'd either left or, Kanda frowned, Lenalee planned a surprise party. He grudgingly made his way to the living room, bracing himself for the "surprise." When none came he closed his eyes, and focused entirely on sound. The gentle creak of the apartment, the wood and plaster groaning lightly with the weight of the stories above. The light ruffle of curtains from the window left open in Allen's study, and, Kanda resisted the urge to smirk, light breaths.

No party. Thank fucking God.

So he was hiding in his study was he. Kanda moved quickly and quietly slipping into the study through the cracked door, Moyashi never fully closed it in case he needed to get the door or run to the phone, and was again surprised. Moyashi sat leaning against his hand, as if he was thinking, the other in his lap, eyes closed. Sleeping, Allen had fallen asleep. This time Kanda had to resist the urge to smile. He grimaced. Moyashi had brought out _that_ particular urge, and it showed no signs of disappearing any time soon, to Kanda's great displeasure. Moyashi had to farther rub it in by calling it 'progress.'

Kanda kneeled in front of his lover pressing his hands against parts of the chair that Moyashi wasn't touching. Like Kanda, Moyashi was a rather light sleeper, an abnormal sound or touch would jolt him awake. So Kanda made sure to be careful, as he leaned over to kiss him. It was a rather mushy way to wake him, and one that Kanda did not practice often. But, he didn't leave for this long often. Nor did he want Moyashi more than he wanted him at this goddamn moment often.

Moyashi groaned softly against his lips, his eyes fluttering as he woke. Kanda kissed him harder, watching him realize exactly what was going on and kissing back. Ever since Kanda started working he'd began to keep his eyes open when they kissed. The first time he'd done it on accident, but when he realized just how much Moyashi revealed when he was kissing Kanda. Kanda had decided to keep and cement the habit. This time his eyebrows were furrowed, his face crumpled with loneliness and... worry Kanda realized. Why he was worried though, Kanda didn't know. But, he'd fucking find out, that was for sure. He picked up Moyashi from the chair, nipping at his bottom lip when Moyashi tried to pull away and argue. _Not gonna happen,_ Kanda thought as he kissed him harder. Despite Moyashi's ability to fight with him he was nowhere near as strong as Kanda, which usually left Kanda to wonder why he bottomed as often as he did.

It was harder to navigate the apartment Kanda found, when Moyashi was attempting to kiss him into submission. Kanda grunted when Moyashi loosened his legs so his hand could find the edge of his pants and gracelessly shoved itself inside. He pushed Moyashi up against the wall, smashing his head against one of the pictures. The glass cracked and the group picture that Lenalee had insisted on taking at the fucking fair two years ago was now riddled with broken glass.

"Shit!" Allen released his mouth to grunt, the pain not slowing him down in the least, and Kanda panted harshly his face twisting in pleasure as Moyashi's eager hand groped Kanda to full hardness.

"Fuck," Kanda's strained whisper mingled between their parted lips for just a moment teasing the skin on his lips. Moyashi planted his legs on the floor and moved his fingers to claw at Kanda's shoulders for a moment before switching their positions. He grinned when Kanda swore again, his head this time banging loudly against the wall. He started to pull his hand out of Kanda's pants, and he watched as Kanda's gaze became slightly clearer, Allen waited a moment for Kanda to focus on him before shoving his hand inside again, this time beneath his boxers. Kanda writhed as Moyashi stroked him, his mouth open, gasping as he felt him trace his head with the tip of a finger before finding the slit. Kanda was focused enough to grab Moyashi's wrist, but it took more than a little control though to yank his hand out.

"Bed," he hissed, pulling Moyashi into his arms again. This time Kanda threw himself into the journey to their bedroom, letting Moyashi ravage his mouth. His eyes dilated and fixed on the open door in front of him. He nearly whacked his shins against the coffee table in the living room, instead he deviated too much and crashed into the sofa, Moyashi sprawled beneath him. Moyashi didn't even pause as he slid his hands into Kanda's pants again, this time to grope his ass. Kanda bucked and moaned, pressing his cock into Moyashi's hips, losing himself for a second.

God it felt so good especially after months of nothing. Moyashi's hand on his ass, tracing puckered skin, grabbing him and spreading him wide, like he was going to fuck him right there. Just like that. The hard cock that pressed against his, rocking and thrusting rhythmically. Moyashi bit at his ear, licking and nipping at the sensitive spot behind it. Driving him fucking crazy.

"C'mon Kanda," Moyashi whispered hot and heavy into his ear. "Take me to bed. Take me to bed so I can fuck you." Kanda bit Moyashi's lip so he wouldn't moan, almost drawing blood. The minute Moyashi started talking like that, Kanda stopped resisting. Moyashi only swore around Kanda, his gentleman-like nature disappeared around him, and he'd cuss and order Kanda around like he was a General and Kanda was grunt. As much as he hated being ordered around, Kanda trusted Allen not to take it too far. It was a trust created over years of fucked up meetings and too many coincidences.

He didn't hesitate. Kanda hauled Moyashi up, and stumbled his way to the bed, almost tripping over the piles of fucking psychology books that had infiltrated the goddamn living room. He'd have to burn them later. After he fucked Kanda into their bed.

When he finally, _finally_ found the bed, he dropped Moyashi and the race began. This moment was the only one where Moyashi and Kanda didn't have their hands all over each other. Yanking their clothes off as fast as they could only panting and the rustle of clothes and the clink belt buckles rung in the air. Kanda finished first, glancing up as he watched Moyashi struggle to push his pants and boxers off his legs. They were over his knees when Kanda crashed into him, lips melding to his, Kanda's legs wrapping around his Moyashi's hips. Moyashi's neck craned to kiss him and Kanda watched his eyebrows furrow. Annoyance. He bit Kanda's lips hard, breaking the skin, making him bleed. Moyashi winced when Kanda bit back before he latched onto Kanda's nipple. Kanda threw his head back and hissed. This time his eyes closed, especially when Moyashi grabbed his hips and started to grind Kanda against his cock. Kanda grabbed at Allen's white hair yanking and jerking at it violently. Allen bit on his nipple Kanda gasped, twisting his hair tightly between his fingers and his grip loosened. He leaned into Allen when he felt the hands on his hips start to lift them before yanking them down. His legs moved to the side of Allen's body, thighs still hugging his hips when Kanda started to move on his own.

They were mimicking sex, Kanda realized, a blush dusting his pale face. He blushed harder when he felt Moyashi's precome start to stain his thighs. Unlike Kanda Moyashi got wet so_ fast_, and in this position Kanda could feel it everywhere. All over his entrance, starting up the curve of his ass, on his sac, spreading over his thighs.

"Oh fuck," Kanda swore when Allen grabbed his cock, massaging the base, squeezing the shaft and moving up to tease the slit again. Kanda shivered and hissed. He wondered if Moyashi was going to come just by doing this. Kanda wondered if he would come.

"Wanna-" Allen grunted when Kanda grind down hard on his cock before lifting up again. "Wanna fuck like this?" The question was a harsh pant against Kanda's ear. Hot puffs of breath pushed inside Kanda's ear each time he went down on him. Kanda moved down to grip Moyashi's shoulders, slowing himself to a stop on his lap. Kanda slid off Moyashi's lap, dragging him by the shoulders pulling them down and scooting himself up so he could grab at the bars on the headboard. Before Moyashi moved, he swung his leg up and curled it over Moyashi's shoulder.

"Fuck me like this first." Kanda panted out, trying hard not to grip Moyashi's hair and meld his lips to Kanda's. If they got distracted again there was no doubt in Kanda's mind they would not get to the fucking part. The part that Kanda had secretly been dreaming about since he'd left the damn apartment.

"You want..." Moyashi trailed off his eyes watched him as Kanda spread out over the bed, his other leg spreading wider, moving his hands to grip the bars on the headboard, arching his body up.

"No," Kanda shook his head, he wanted Moyashi's fingers in him, he wanted them now. "Use your-"

Kanda cut off with a grunt, his head twisting to the side smashing his face into his arm. Moyashi's finger, covered in his own precome burying itself inside of him. Kanda didn't even know why they bothered buying lube anymore, Moyashi getting as wet as he did. He moved quicker than usual, shoving two-now three fingers into him. Rubbing his prostate until Kanda felt his own dick start leaking, until he was grunting and fisting his hands tight enough to draw blood so he wouldn't moan again and again.

_Fuck me_, Kanda thought desperately, moving his hips against his fingers. _Fuck me_ _please_. Moyashi, as though reading his mind, (which Kanda honestly believed he did on occasion) pulled out his fingers, quickly wiping them on the bed cover. He readjusted Kanda's leg on his shoulder making sure it was secure before pushing into him. Kanda whined, his body moving to create a sharper arch than before, his fingers gripping the bars tighter.

There were times that Kanda thought, being away for so long it would hurt. It would be like the very first time, when it felt like Moyashi was splitting him open, when he'd started to bleed. But, he was proven wrong. It seemed like Kanda's body had gotten so used to being invaded, being pried open by Moyashi, that now he just slipped in. Kanda's body relaxed just enough so that Moyashi could just push the head in and he was pulled inside.

"Oh _God_ sweetheart," Moyashi whispered against his cheek. The nickname brought the blush back to Kanda's cheeks. He _hated_ that nickname and Moyashi knew he could only get away with calling him that mid-coital, when Kanda was too busy writhing and cursing every time he thrust back inside him, every time Moyashi hit his prostate.

The pleasure was building. Moyashi was thrusting harder and deeper and faster than Kanda thought he could take and Kanda could only pant harder and move to grip his shoulder blades tight. Nails scratching at the pale skin of Moyashi's back, toes curling when the pleasure began to override his brain.

It ended faster than Kanda expected. Without warning Moyashi grabbed his dick, hit his prostate hard and Kanda came. He came so hard his toes curled and his voice broke. The tight grip he already had on Moyashi got tighter and he shivered and shook for a moment slowing to a stop so Kanda could get his bearings again.

Kanda sighed and unhooked his leg from Moyashi's shoulder. He cracked his knuckles, easing the ache that came with gripping them tightly before slipping his fingers through his Moyashi's white locks and pulling him down.

It took Kanda a lot longer than either of them had thought before he got used to kissing during sex. Now though, it was second nature for Kanda to pull Moyashi down. They kissed for a few moments, Kanda letting post-coital bliss take over. He stirred when Moyashi got impatient after a few minutes and ground himself deeper inside Kanda, right against his prostate, and bit his lip at the same time. Kanda, despite the absolute humiliation that would come with it, he couldn't help letting out a quiet whimper.

Moyashi's growl turned into a gasp when he flipped Kanda over, the friction of that movement overwhelming both of them for a second. He curled his arms around Kanda's chest and yanked him up flush with his own, forcing Kanda on his hands and knees. Moyashi's favorite position. There was only one small difference.

"Spread your legs," he breathed against Kanda's shoulder, pulling out his already lopsided ponytail so long locks of black hair framed his face. Kanda forced his knees to go wide trying not to feel like a dirty whore when he did. But _fuck_, he had to get so wide so Moyashi could get his knees on the bed. Get enough leverage to make him scream.

"Ready?" he panted, little jolts of pleasure ran through Kanda as Moyashi pulsed his hips. Pushing the slightest bit in and pulling just a little out, in and out, in and out, in and fucking out. Moyashi was going to drive him fucking insane.

"Stop being so damn impatient." Kanda hissed. He was so sensitive after climax, just the slightest movement was enough stimulation to arouse him. And Moyashi fucking knew it! Asshole.

He only bit at Kanda's ear and started to move faster. If Kanda had been as young and inexperienced as he had been when Moyashi had first gotten his hands on him he would have collapsed and let the next orgasm building in his body take over. He would have let the small pulses take him and it would be over. But, Moyashi had long since conditioned Kanda to take him until he was done. If there was one thing Moyashi prided himself on it was being able to fuck Kanda until he collapsed. Kanda steadied his arms, focusing his gaze on the bed covers lumping up between his fingers.

"Go," he growled out, bracing himself for the deep, steady thrusts that were no doubt coming.

Kanda had to bite his lip when he thrust in, hitting his prostate, he was going hard right from the beginning. Moyashi was throwing his body into overdrive. Making him arch and claw at the blankets, when he moved; hitting his prostate dead center. Making him shiver and his lip bleed when he rubbed and pinched his nipples, squeezed the shaft of his cock.

When Kanda screamed and arched his body sharply, still quivering, Moyashi stilled. He moved his hands to caress the inside of Kanda's thighs. At first Kanda didn't know what he was doing, why he'd stopped. But soon, he realized the wet warmth leaking down his thighs and currently being rubbed into his skin wasn't sweat, it was Moyashi's goddamn precome. Dripping down the backs of his legs, from inside him, like Moyashi had already come. Kanda's head dropped and he let out a breathy growl. Moyashi responded by thrusting harder, in and out. Again and again, until he felt his balls tighten and Moyashi grabbed at the base of his cock to keep him going longer.

"Fuck Moyashi. _Fuck_." Kanda panted and writhed and snarled.

He paused, buried deep in Kanda, his hand moved to wrap tight around his entire cock. "My," he punctuated each word with a hard thrust that made Kanda's body arch sharply and his arms begin to shake. "Name," and again. "Is," and again. "Allen." He finished by grabbing Kanda's hips and grinding into him.

Kanda's arms gave in and he could only pant and whimper. He was stuck between arousal and painful pleasure, his body was on fire but he didn't have the strength to move a muscle.

Moyashi—no, goddammit, _Allen_ snarled and pulled out of him. He maneuvered Kanda's pliant body so he was again sitting in his lap.

"Lift," Allen's soft voice commanded, a contrast to the snarl earlier, pulling Kanda's hips up and off sweaty skin. It took all of Kanda's willpower and strength to clamp his hands down onto Allen's shoulders and flex. His vision blurred and his arms shook, exhaustion was running through his veins begging him to drop, to let go. It was the tension and the desire to finish, just fucking finish that kept Kanda up as long as he was.

Allen had only a moment to position himself before Kanda's hand slipped and he fell against him. Allen's cock impaled him, hitting his prostate hard. There was no stopping it.

"Fuck! Fuck, _Allen_," Kanda whined and screamed almost breathlessly as he came, jerking and tightening in Allen's lap.

Allen cursed and moaned into his ear thrusting erratically into Kanda. Helping him ride it out. Kanda's breaths grew shorter as Allen's grip around his waist grew tighter and he used the last of his strength to lift up and drop down hard. His muscles squeezing tight as Allen slammed up hard.

"Oh shit! Oh shitshitshitshit_shit_!" Allen fastened his hands on Kanda's hips riding his orgasm out, panting and groaning desperately.

The only sound in the room for a long while was panting. Allen's hands thoughtlessly gathered up long strands of sweat-slicked hair over Kanda's shoulder and pulled them into bed. Kanda didn't have the energy to protest, even if he wanted to.

"Sleep." Allen kissed the bare skin between his eyes when he watched Kanda jerk himself awake violently.

"I need..." Kanda trailed off, his eyes sliding closed. "...shower."

Allen kissed his lips chastely, thumbing Kanda's cheek affectionately. Kanda would be angry later that evening when he woke up sticky and sore. But, Allen could deal with that later. Right now Kanda needed sleep, and to be held.

Not that Kanda would ever admit that of course. But, Allen didn't need him to.

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><p>Review please!<p>

Nightwalker


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Also, no beta.

_"I only hurt the ones I love, yeah."-_Free, Switchfoot

Ever since that last mini session with Kanda Allen had expected some sort of change in their interactions. Their relationship going through, what Allen would call, a breakthrough and it was only natural something would change. But to his absolute frustration everything remained the same. Even though it was probably against Kanda's nature to change an antagonistic relationship once it had started, Allen still couldn't help but feel a little cheated.

He glanced at the clock. Almost five after four, he wrinkled his brow, Kanda was never late. Even if it was to something he'd much rather avoid, Kanda was a firm believer in being punctual. He claimed it was a habit of Tiedoll's, but Allen thought it had more to do with Kanda's almost obssessive need for order. He was, after all, almost incapable of being flexible, except in a fight.

The door slammed open before Lou Fa even had a chance to let him know over the radio, and Kanda stormed in face down and fists clenched.

"Kanda?" Allen shot up just as Kanda let his body collapse on the couches, loose hair covering his face. "What happened?"

"Shut the fuck up," he growled, his voice was low and throaty.

Allen moved swiftly and before Kanda had a chance to bat him away he took a firm grasp of his chin and pulled his face up. He only got a glimpse of the myriad of colors painting his skin before Allen's hand was smacked away and a fist curved up to his jaw.

"I said get the fuck away from me!" Kanda curled down into the cushions. Hushed words that Allen didn't recognize mumbled under the cave of his hair.

_Shit,_ Allen rubbed the blossoming pain thoughtfully. That was another reason why he was one of the few therapists that could handle Kanda, he could take all the blows Kanda wanted to give him, and he liked to hit back. This wasn't going to be one of those times though.

"So you got into a fight." Kanda twitched, but remained silent. "Should I assume you lost?"

Kanda growled and turned away from him, Allen winced, this time not from the pain. Kanda hated losing, and usually only lost in the worst of circumstances.

"Should I alert the school?" The question pulled Kanda to his feet. Teeth bared and an angry breath flaring out his nose. His school had taken a lot of abuse for Kanda's fights, regardless of whether he started or not, and requested that he contact them before an angry parent would. Allen tried to control his reaction at the sight of the purples, blues, and reds that now colored his face. He clenched his hands to keep from reaching out and touching it.

"Don't you fucking dare."

"Then tell me what happened."

For a few long moments they stared at each other. Eyes locked and knees bent slightly; ready for each other.

Kanda growled and spun to face the wall. His hands moved to his hair, absentmindedly gathering the black curtain up into his usual ponytail.

"I'm not going back." Allen balked, not what he expected.

"Back where?"

"To that fucking house!"

_Oh fuck._ Allen tensed.

"Tiedoll didn't do that to you did he?" The question was tentative, slipping through his lips like a closely kept secret.

Kanda wrung his hair when he realized that he didn't have something to tie it back with. Allen had half a mind to ask Lou Fa if she had any extra, but he didn't want to be distracted. He needed an answer.

"I'll buy you a whole pack of damned hair bands if you tell me who did that to you." Allen had to stop himself from cringing once the words left his mouth. He didn't bribe, it wasn't professional nor were his clients usually people of their word. But Kanda was different, anyway this situation called for drastic measures.

Kanda sighed, as if he had just been asked to do something especially tedious. "Daisya. We fought. That's all."

Allen had to stop himself from crashing to the floor with relief. HE didn't like dealing with abusive parent problems, ever. He liked to say that family problems were not his forte.

"Then," Allen ran a hand though his hair. "Let's take a walk."

Kanda cracked his neck, then his knuckles. Tipping his head back when hair started to crowd against his cheeks, sticking to the sweat against his jaw.

"Fine."

* * *

><p>"So," Allen hummed thoughtfully. "What brought this fight on?"<p>

Kanda crossed his arms and quickened his pace so he turned the isle faster than Allen did. Allen sighed and caught up quickly.

"You're being especially stubborn today." Kanda's eyebrow twitched, only slightly though.

"Kanda," Allen almost whined and jerked back in shock at himself. What the hell was that? Even Kanda looked back at him eyebrow raised.

Allen narrowed his eyes and bit his lip. Suddenly they couldn't get to the hair products isle faster. Allen gripped the cart until his knuckles turned white.

Why the fuck had he done that? There was absolutely no excuse for a therapist to behave like that. None at all. Gods, he might as well tell Tiedoll to take Kanda off his hands if this was how he was going to behave around him. Even if Kanda was one of the most interesting patients he had.

God, that would suck. It would mean there was nothing in between the whiny patients and the mindlessly violent ones. At least Kanda always had some sort of motive behind his destructive tendancies. There was a fragile person behind all of the mess in Kanda's head and he had honestly enjoyed bringing that person out little by little. Oh _fuck_—

"Hey, you past it." Kanda gave him a bored look and jerked a thumb at the wall a few feet behind them. Allen took a deep breath and spun on his heel.

'I am a therapist,' he thought resolutely to himself. 'I will not do this to myself. I will not do this to my _client_.'

He gestured at the hair bands hanging on the rack. "So which one Kanda?"

Kanda scanned the variety. His eyes narrowing, he would grab one set, always a rather bland one and search the labels and test the durability. Just the way he would bite his lips when he was nervous. And cracked his knuckles and smirked when he was ready to fight. All of it, it was getting to be too much for Allen. He couldn't though. _He couldn't._

But, he couldn't change either. Change would force them to part, and maybe it was for the best. But, it would still hurt Kanda; whether he would show it or not. And that was the one thing Allen couldn't do. Not to this child who had suffered so much at the hands of others. So he would forget. This little epiphany, it couldn't mean anything.

It couldn't.

* * *

><p>Allen smiled when he was woken by mumbled curses and a clumsy stumble. Or two. A moment later water poured from the shower head onto his lover and Allen sighed in contentment. Kanda was home.<p>

Yes, he would need to work in, he looked up at the clock, about nine hours but a Sunday morning had never started so good. Except for the time that he had woken Kanda with—

_Ding dong_

Shit, was that Lenalee? He wasn't even dressed yet! Allen pulled on a pair of Kanda's old sweatpants and a shirt from yesterday and stumble-ran his way to the door.

"Coming! I'm coming!" He threw open the door and was greeted, quite warmly, by Daisy pushing his way inside the house.

"You guys have food here right? Tiedoll's started his experimental cooking shit and won't make me any breakfast! Seriously what kind of house do I live in?"

Ah Daisya. Kanda would be pleased.

"Sorry to intrude." Mari followed closely by Lenalee made a much more elegant entrance inside the apartment.

"Kanda's showering." Allen ran a hand through his hair. He had been hoping for a little more time in bed with Kanda before people started to come.

"Kanda's still in the shower? Like he _just woke up_?" Daisya was rooting through the fridge, at least he was until Lenalee kicked him away from the party food.

Allen nodded. "I still don't believe that you—" Daisya eyed him up and down, "can keep _Kanda _in bed long enough that he doesn't get up until," he squinted up at the clock, "eleven thirty!"

"That's eleven o'clock dipshit." Kanda grunted as he came out of the bedroom. He was already wearing a button down shirt and a pair of jeans. Allen silently mourned the loss of pale skin that was all his. Then again, he mentally sighed as he looked over at his guests, sex in front of Kanda's family would be bad.

"There's the Kanda we all know and miss."

"Have you all eaten," Allen glanced at the clock again. "Lunch?"

Lenalee's stomach growled.

"Why don't we start there then?"

* * *

><p>I'm sorry, this took so long. There was some communication issues, and me just being distracted. Anyway, please let me know what you think of anything. I personally feel like this chapter is awkward but if any of you think differently, or similarly, please review and let me know what partswhere you guys think need editing.

Hope you enjoyed!

Nightwalker


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